ACCEPT LIMITS/"NO" 6.19
Goal: To improve conflict management skills
Objective(s): The student will demonstrate the necessary skills when accepting limits or "no
1. Decide why you were told no.
2. Think about your choices:
a. Do something else.
b. Say how you feel, in a friendly way.
c. Write about how you feel.
3. Act out your best choice (McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p. 163)
Definition: When someone says no to something you request, you accept it without arguing, pouting, or persistent repeating of request.
Rationale: Accepting "no" means you avoid problems and arguments, you may get more privileges later.
• Situations: When an authority figure or peer tells you not to do something, won't do what you want, or refuses to let you have something you want.
• Make a list of authorities who can make yes and no decisions, such as a parent, teacher, or a babysitter.
• Students list rules they have to follow in six different places. Discuss what would happen of there were no rules in each situation. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 195, for additional worksheets and teaching strategies see p. 194-202.)
• Talk about what makes "no" so hard to accept sometimes.
• Discuss some of the consequences of going against a "no" decision from an authority.
• Brainstorm the possible reasons for being told "no" in a particular situation.
• When someone says "no", you can sometimes find another way to play. Ask if you can take turns, make the game bigger, or play with someone else. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 88)
Model/Role-play with Feedback
• Students make personal lists of alternative activities and strategies for times they've been told "no" and refer to this when needed.
• Play "Mother May I."
• Class members discuss a problem, and determine limits/consequences to impose.
• On daily point sheets, add a section for "accepting limits."
• Journal writing stimulus: "Tell about times you accepted limits set by your parents or teachers."
Role play situations:
• You've asked if you could see a "R" rated movie with a friend and your parents say "no."
• You ask if you can return a pair of pants you bought on sale. The clerk says "no returns on sale items."
• Your parents say that you can't stay up late.
• Your friend says he/she won't come over to your house.
• You want to play on the swings. They are all taken.
• You want to draw on the chalkboard with other students. They say there isn't enough chalk.
• You ask a friend if you can ride his bike. He says "no".
• Your teacher tells you didn't earn a privilege.
• You are not allowed to go outside during free time.
• Your teacher will not let you move your desk to a different location.
• Your parent will not let you stay up late to see the end of a movie.
• Your parent refuses to buy you a certain brand of jeans.
• Your friend or teacher will not lend you money for soda and everyone else has one.
• You are told you can not work on an assignment with a classmate but must work alone.
Application with Feedback
• Homework: Ask parents to evaluate their child's use of the skill through informal observations, or observation of a suggested role play.
• The teacher sets up situations to allow the student to demonstrate skill. Tell students they may not use a particular toy, tape or other item; tell students they may not go first, may not be team captain, may not help, cannot visit other student or teacher.
• Students are going to play blocks. The rule is they cannot put one on top of another. Find another way to play.
• Students have show and tell. The rule is they cannot talk. They have to find another way to show and tell.
• Students make daily/weekly contracts incorporating a new limit and participate in the evaluation process.
• Parents sign contracts when student accepts no appropriately.