DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT/LOSING 3.12
Goal: To improve skills for expressing feelings
Objective(s): The student will decide why an activity was not successful and whether to try the desired activity again. (Mayo and Walto, 1986 p. 274)
1. Say to yourself "Somebody has to lose" or "It's okay that I wasn't successful."
2. Think about your choices.
a. Ask for help.
b. Do an activity you like to do.
c. Do a relaxation exercise.
3. Act out your best choice.
4. Reward yourself for trying.
Definition: Disappointment means to fail to meet your own or someone else's expectations. Losing is a failure to win or gain.
Rationale: You learn to deal with disappointment or losing in a good way to decrease stress and negative self thoughts.
• Provide a short story about someone being disappointed and ask students to describe how he felt.
• Ask students what "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again", means. Discuss the difference between quitting and making a decision to avoid something.
• Discuss the feeling that can be associated with failure. • Discuss the difference between failing and not doing as well as hoped. (McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p. 163)
• Discuss reasons for failure: the student didn't try as hard as he/she could have; he/she wasn't ready to do this; it was a matter of chance. (McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p. 162)
• Evaluate what is under your control to change: if a skill problem - practice; if motivation - increase effort; if circumstances - think of ways to change them. (Goldstein and et al, 1980 p. 123)
• Discuss the importance of setting realistic expectations.
Model/Role-play with Feedback
• Illustrate each of the skill steps and give students a chance to practice coming up with ideas for using them.
• Students think of situations when they might be disappointed. They are broken down into three types:
• situations when you are disappointed in yourself
• situations when you are disappointed in someone else
• situations when you are disappointed in an object or thing (Gajewski and Mayo, 1989 p. 279)
Role Play Situations:
• Arthur's parents have not been getting along lately. His father seems to stay away more than usual, and he knows his mother drinks way too much. After finding several bottles hidden around the house, Arthur's father accused his mother of being an alcoholic. They had a big argument in which both of them ended up leaving. Telling himself there was nothing he could do, Arthur stayed in his room and turned up the stereo. Worried about his parents and upset with himself for not doing anything, Arthur seems very troubled at school today. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 107-111 Access)
• Your younger brother, Mark, has just gotten his driver's license. You are close - you play on the same team, share friends, materials, and a room at home. Now you also have to share the family car. You think you should be able to use the car more than Mark because you're older. You come home from school on Wednesday to tell your brother all about your upcoming date on Friday night. Mark tells you he's already made plans to use the car. You are very upset that Mark didn't ask first. You are also upset about the possibility of missing out on your date. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 107-111 Access)
• Donna has had learning problems since she can remember. Reading especially has always been
difficult for her. As a result, she usually does poorly on written tests but has always managed to get by at school with help. Anxious to get into design school, she has just found out that she failed the entry test. Even though she has been told she can take the test over, Donna is so depressed with her performance she doesn't want to risk failing the test a second time. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 107-111 Access)
• You fail a test at school.
• Your team comes in last place in the city baseball league.
• You lose a contest.
• Your team loses at soccer.
• You don't make the cheerleading squad after weeks of practice.
• You flunk a test you studied for.
• Your boss says you cheated on your time card.
• Your parents say you can't get an after-school job.
• You lose again at a game your brother always wins.
• Your best friend won't join an activity that's important to you.
• You do not make the team.
• You are turned down for a date.
Application with Feedback
• Students write stories with main character who is disappointed by failure or loss.
• During daily discussion time, provide opportunity for students to share disappointments and plans for trying activity again.
• Class writes/performs skit or play focused on a disappointment and how the main character reacts. Can be performed for another class or parents.
• Ask parents to evaluate their child's use of the skill by using a provided role play or by observing their child using the skill.
• Keep a home journal describing results and feelings for situations involving disappointment of yourself and/or family members