NEGOTIATE DIFFERENCES/COMPROMISE 6.6
Goal: To improve conflict management skills
1. The student will be able to accurately state own and other's position.
2. The student will be able to suggest or accept a compromise that takes into account the feelings of both persons.
1. Decide if you and the other person disagree.
2. Tell how you feel about the problem.
3. Ask the person how he/she feels about the problem.
4. Listen to the answer.
5. Suggest or ask for a compromise. (McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p. 153)
COMMENTS: This skill may be difficult for the very young child and is considered to be more appropriate for students grade 4 and above. McGinnis and Goldstein, 1980 p.153)
Negotiating presupposes the ability to understand feelings of others. Negotiating is similar to convincing others. Negotiating introduces the concept of compromise. (Goldstein and et al, 1980 p. 110)
Definition: Negotiation is a way of reaching a compromise with someone when you are having a disagreement. Example: Each person gives a little so both parties get something.
Rationale: It is a way to help you get at least part of what you want and keep both people happy. It is better to try to work out an agreement or compromise than to become angry.
• Inquire about potential benefits of compromise: better to get part of what you want than nothing, avoid argument/fight, encourage others to treat you like a mature person. Ask for situation where compromise might be helpful.
Situations: When you are having a disagreement with someone and some compromise needs to be reached. It is only helpful to try to negotiate when there is a chance to reach an agreement. Teachers may not be willing to negotiate if you have not kept your side of the agreement in the past.
• List examples of negotiating to avoid conflict from students' own experiences.
• Ask students, "When I first learned to drive a car, my mom didn't want me out late. This was a problem when I wanted to go to a movie. I knew the reason she didn't want me out late was because she worried about me. I tried to think of a way to get what I wanted, stay out late but
keep my mom from worrying at the same time."
• Have "dry" and "green" sticks. Dry one breaks when bent, green one bends until two ends meet. Discuss how this illustrates compromising (both person's "ends" / "needs" met without a break between them).
• Musical selection, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," - Mick Jagger/Rolling Stones.
• Videotape (Hazel and et al, 1980 p. 91).
• Another teacher enters the room saying they are going out for fast food. Teacher and
confederate stage a disagreement over where to go (Taco Bell vs. McDonald's) and resolve by negotiation.
• Discuss situations where students have disagreed with their parents and how they came to an agreement.
• Have students discuss how they feel about a person who always has to have his way and is unwilling to "bend" a little.
• Ask students how they feel about a person who always has to have his way.
• Prepare and read situations where there is a disagreement between two people. Tell what ended up happening. Students evaluate if compromise was reached.
• Explain what conflict is, give two examples of conflict and what happens when conflict is not negotiated. Explain why the skill of compromising is important. Could be used to promote discussion of students' experiences with conflict.
• Discuss that authority figures will not always be willing to compromise and that body language can give clues on this. Ask students to generate examples of times they could have used this skill.
• Discuss feelings associated with not wanting to do what someone else does and responsibilities of friendship. Discuss how friends work together to do things.
Model/Role-play with Feedback
• Teacher with co-trainer models steps in a simulated adult-adult situation: requesting schedule change from principal, compromise over materials use with another teacher, discussion of disciplinary plan with parent.
• Describes four ways to compromise. Then present six conflict situations and ask the student to decide if a compromise was made and if so which method was used. These situations could be used for role play, after students complete the exercise.
• Present four conflict situations. Students need to come up with a compromise for each conflict. Could be used for role playing also.
• Teach students to mediate in a conflict situation
• Have students give feedback as to better ways to negotiate to get what they want from role play ideas and acting.
• School policy allows students to use locker before and after school. Student council believes students should be able to use lockers between classes. Prepare a compromise.
Role play suggestions:
• You negotiate with parent about curfew.
• You negotiate with friend about what to do next.
• You want the stereo on loud, your mother says "no".
• You want to stay out later than parents suggest.
• You want to go to a concert, but your parents don't want you to go.
• You want to drive the family car, parents say no.
• You want to date someone your parents don't approve of.
• You and your sister want to watch different TV shows.
• You and friend want to see different movies.
• Your boss has given you more work than you can do in the time allotted.
• You want extra time to complete an assignment.
• Your teacher gives you work that you feel is too hard.
• Your parents want you to baby-sit, but you need to do your homework.
• You want to let your hair grow, your parents say no.
• Your friend wants to play one game, but you want to play another.
• You and a friend want different kinds of pizza.
• You want to play outside and your friend wants to watch TV.
• Your mother wants you to clean your room and your friend calls to ask you over.
• You and your brothers want to pay Nintendo, but you want different games.
• You and parent disagree on kind of tennis shoes to buy.
• You feel you need an increase in allowance.
• You have no interest in the assigned topic of a writing assignment.
• You want to stay out until midnight but your parents say 10:30.
• You and your partner are planning a party for several mutual friends. You have decided that you both will supply the refreshments for the party rather than asking your friends to bring food and beverages. Your partner wants to make tacos and other Mexican snacks, but you would rather have pizza and Italian snacks. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 58-60)
• You and your partner were just assigned a project to work on together in your social studies class. You need to draw a map of South America, find out what products come from each country, and show that information on the map. (Walker and et al, 1988 p. 58-60)
• It's your turn to do the supper dishes, but your friends are coming to take you roller skating in a few minutes. You want your sister/brother to do the dishes for you. (Walker and et al 1988 p. 58-60)
• Your partner works every day after school at a pizza parlor. You work with him/her, and you want to trade hours with your partner so you can have Saturday night off to go on a date. Your partner doesn't have any plans for Saturday night. (Walker and et al p. 58-60)
• You and your partner usually do something together on Friday or Saturday night. You feel that you and your folks always end up supplying the transportation. You are making plans for the weekend and need a ride to and from the movie theater. (Walker and et al p. 58-60)
Log of Interactions:
Keep a log of your interactions with your parents, how you handled them, how you attempted to negotiate the situations so that there was less conflict. Remember to remain true to yourself. Finally, rate how successful you think you were in reducing conflict while remaining true to yourself.
How did you handle the situation?
How did you negotiate?
Were you true to yourself?
Application with Feedback
• Observe playground, PE activities, or provide less structured time to observe interactions.
• Students list process steps, bring in signed confirmation from parent that student demonstrated skill at home within a one-week period.
• Set up situations at recess, i.e. not providing enough equipment for a game, etc.
• Students write out skill steps, completes worksheet page 317 from SSD manual, students write scripts for writing assignments and use for role-play practice which can be video taped.
• Send homework note to parents, describing skill and skill steps. Ask parents to evaluate their child using a suggested role play by observing of the skill.
• Homework: Have students keep a log of interactions with authority figures, how they handled them, what was the negotiation, what were the results.